he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
