i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize