can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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