I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
