I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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