i was born a porn star she said
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just high enough for therapy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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