Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
