I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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