Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
