my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
