it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
