is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
