so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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