I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
