used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
