New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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