I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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