just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize