Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
