I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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