Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
