My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
