Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
