I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
