margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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