Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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