ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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