Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
