I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
