New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
