Girls should come with a carfax report
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
