i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize