I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize