I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
