I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
