I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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