she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
