i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize