Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
