new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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