If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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