You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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