just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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