i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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