I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
