Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
