Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
