he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize