You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
