I'm eating all of the evidence.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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