I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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