RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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