i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
