quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
how drunk are you?
Several
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
