O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
