All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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