I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
