Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
