So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
