I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
