she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
