they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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