I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
