I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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