Can i not drive my cunt home
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
