I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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