Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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