just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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