Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
