dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You pole danced in your parka.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
