Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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