Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize