I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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