Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
