I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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