if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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