is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
only if we run a train.
done.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize