Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
