thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
