If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Your topless pictures make me question reality
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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