And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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