So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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