I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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