my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
