I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
