just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize