I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this will be a night to untag.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
